:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
