why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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