It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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