i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize