WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize