Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
