I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
