just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
