Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize