I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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