That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
