I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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