Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
