I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you had me at cake vodka
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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