just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
