What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize