I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize