a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
