Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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