i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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