I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
