Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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