I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
