My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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