her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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