You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
