So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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