Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
