Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Two words: nipple clamps
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