He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
