just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
