she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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