im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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