she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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