I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
