i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
