checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
