"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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