we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
