so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
