And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize