my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize