i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
