I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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