I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
