I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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