he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
