I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
