had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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