just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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