Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
