this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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