you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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