this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
