We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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