I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
