Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Less talking, more tequila
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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