C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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