Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
