that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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