Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
