When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
