I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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