i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just made my gag reflex go away.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
the raccoons are back...
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