I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
