So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
