Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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