He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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