My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
