well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize