I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude i'm inner monologue high
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
