tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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