we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
