the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
