that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
