If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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