oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
