the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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