But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
