he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
