I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
