you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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